I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
