The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did I show you my penis last night?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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