brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
