I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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