I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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