Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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