You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
