Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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