then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
