i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
