my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
