he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
