I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How external is "for external use only"?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
