Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
