Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
