The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
