I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
