he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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