So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize