Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize