fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
