OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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