did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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