i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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