I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
