She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
