UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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