his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it glows. i had to have it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize