1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
