please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Text me some of your sweat
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
