rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
