i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
