Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
