hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
