I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
