so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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