she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
