Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
