1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
