'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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