So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
