dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
