i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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