She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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