john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
