It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize