Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
