When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
