Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
