I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
