absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
