so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
