i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize