Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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