dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
