Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
