i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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