Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
