first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
