Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
