Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
