On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
