I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
