So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
