the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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