can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
