I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
