I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
