idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
