Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
