I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
love makes seman taste better
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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