Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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