waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize