The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need water and some morals
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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