it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
this is an emotional support booty call
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