Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
