Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
