So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
