Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
