You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
