I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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