Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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