I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wear drunk well.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize