there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
