**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
