I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he thought i was a dude.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
