i already hear my dad disowning me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
