We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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