you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
