I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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