i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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