She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
