She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
