Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
