Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
