Who did Billy Mays play for?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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