mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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