Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize