if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
