I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
third nipple confirmed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
