I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
