I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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