You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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