Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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