also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
