i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
