I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
