I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
