I wish my penis had an off switch
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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