is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
