life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
