They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
