First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
