i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
